As you may know, the Shop Tart is not opposed to a little Botox. It’s purified Botulism and Botulism is found in nature, so…it’s fine by her. (Note: The Shop Tart is in no way a medical professional and that description is in no way medically accurate, but there it is.) When she was asked if she would be willing to get a little hit of Radiesse and a dash of Xeomin for free, she Googled the Radiesse (she had already had Xeomin), read for about a minute and was all, “Yeah! Sounds like fun!” Then she decided to have it taped for WACH Fox, because she has no shame. Chances are good that you will hear about each and every cosmetic thing the Shop Tart ever has, because she can’t shut up. Also, she thinks people should know. Aging happens and we need to be realistic about it. She does things like laser treatments and fillers to look a little better, not younger. So…what is this stuff?

Radiesse is a volumizing filler, so you see immediate results. For a year or two, it continues to stimulate collagen. Collagen is the stuff that makes your face not look all drawn. You know when they say that a woman of a certain age has to choose between her *ss and her face? She can either be thin and look haggard or gain a few pounds and have a nicer face. The Shop Tart doesn’t much agree. After all, most behinds look better with a few pounds, too. Anyhow. Now a woman doesn’t have to choose. She can do all the yoga, running and spinning she likes and still have a pretty face. Yeah! Dr. Lynn used 1.5 ml of Radiesse, which usually retails for about $600. She put some in the Shop Tart’s cheeks, temples and on this one little spot at the bridge of her nose where she has a chicken pox scar that causes a little wrinkle. Did it hurt? Not really. Dr. Lynn used numbing cream before and the Radiesse is mixed with a little lidocaine to take away any mild pain. The lidocaine feels like novocaine, which is why the Shop Tart looks a little sluggy at the end of the video.

Xeomin is similar to Botox and Dysport, and the Shop Tart has tried them all. She trusts Dr. Lynn and, when she’s ready to calm her brow, goes with whatever the doc thinks is best. Unlike the other botulinum toxin type A injectables, Xeomin has no additives. (In spite of that, you will not find it on the shelf at the health food store.) This makes the body less likely to develop antibodies to it and launch an attack that would make it less effective. (To be fair, the Shop Tart’s body was perfectly happy to host Dysport and Botox, so this is unlikely to happen, but if you have had issues with the others, Xeomin might be for you.) It’s a little less expensive than Botox. At Dr. Lynn’s, Xeomin is $10 per unit, and the Shop Tart had 25 units.

Because Merz Aesthetics is running a special on Radiesse ($150 off), both treatments together would have cost about $700. Would the Shop Tart do it again? Heck, yes. She’s had Xeomin and similar injections before and usually goes back for more when she’s looking cranky, about once every three to four months. After a week and a half, the effects of the Radiesse are kicking in. Though you wouldn’t notice right away — because you don’t stare at the Shop Tart obsessively like she stares at herself — she can see the effects. When she looks in the mirror in the morning, right out of bed with no makeup, she looks like she slept really well. When she catches sight of her face in exercise class, she doesn’t look quite as distressed about spinning as she has in the past. As an aside, this is the downer about getting free stuff: The Shop Tart occasionally gets one treatment or beauty product for free. Usually something she would be too cheap to buy for herself. After the initial hit, she has to pay, just like you…and she usually does.

The video above was shot just five days after her trip to Dr. Lynn, so the effects weren’t fully evident, but you can already see some added fullness. About a week after taping the video, the Shop Tart swears her eyes look a little better, even though technically nothing was done to them.

Once she was there, they also offered her some filler for her lips. She thought about it and, somewhat reluctantly, decided to pass. She wasn’t born with wrinkles, but she was born with skinny lips. In watching the video above, she’s kind of regretting turning down the lips. Does she even have an upper lip? If so, where is it?

The Shop Tart had no bad side effects, though she did have a little bruising at a couple of the Radiesse injection sites, easy enough to cover with concealer. In fact, she went out that night. And she wasn’t supposed to have any alcohol, but bruising be d*mned, because she was going to Terra and wanted a couple cocktails. The bruising was minimal and went away quickly.